35 replies to this topic

[charlotte]

So, do any of the people here come from a big family?
I's call big when we are getting to there being more than 3 children?

I have never really been too keen to get a family started and still aren't really. I certainly would not want many children myself I don't think, but I was wondering if many people who do end up with big families start off wanting that or if it often just turns out that way.

I know one of my friends now has 4 children and she has always wanted that - she couldn't be happier (though does NOT want number 5!).

Another friend was quite upset when she got pregnant for the third time unexpectedly and that really caused a lot of problems in her marriage too.

[Mamabear]

I am the eldest of three and the only girl.
Papa is the middle of three and the only boy (although a surprise half brother older than all of them turned up a few years ago).

I had always envisaged having 2 daughter.
Papa had always envisaged breeding his own footy team with no daughters amongst them.

The first was planned at 22, we had been married two years, and we were well and truly ready. People always told us we were 'older' than our ages. That was '92
19 months later we had our second son, in '93.

We were not planning any more at that time, but I fell pregnant and miscarried twice, so it become a bit of a psycho nutcase obsession to have that 3rd child. We eventually succeeded in '97 - another boy. He was gorgeous, but a bit of a handful, a busy boy. And the other two were just starting school. So we decided My Three Son's was it.

I went back to Uni, and was juggling a toddler, two little school aged kids and study when I discovered I was pregnant again.

I cried my eyes out.

But that 4th boy, born in '99 has been an absolute joy. They all have in their own way. I certainly could not imagine life without them.

I don't think I really had planned to have a large family, but I am glad it worked out that way.

But I must say our family is not large compared to Papa's oldest sister .... she has TEN! And the oldest is only twelve.

[Mantas]

I have 3 brothers. that was about average back in the 60's and 70's.

I think it's harder to raise a big family these days. There's a lot parental accountability and duties than in my parent's day.

I have 2 kids.

[Indo]

2nd of 4.
But mum is from no.4 of 11!
Needless to say, it was always fun getting pressies at Xmas!

[JA]

Me, oldest of 2. I have 3 - a boy and 2 girls - replacement value (for me and 2 wives!)

[gareth_oau]

I am no. 3 with 2 older sisters and a younger brother.

I've got 4 kids, in fact, up until a few months ago, it was 4 teenage boys (one's just turned 20).

I actually tell people my wife is a single mum with 5 boys!!

I think having 4 boys is just sensational, apart from the food bills

[Mantas]

Originally Posted By: gareth_oau

I think having 4 boys is just sensational, apart from the food bills

My 7 year old boy eats 3 times more than my 10 year old daughter.

I don't know how you fit it all in a shopping cart.

[stemik]

5 brothers and one sister.....lots of hand me downs in my childhood

[Go Native]

Hope you don't mind if I ask about the opposite scenario, small families. I'll be honest and say that I would have been more than happy to go through life without children. My wife though really wanted to have a child so now we have a very cute 9 month old daughter. Although it has been an amazing experience and I love her dearly I really, really do not want to have another one. Anyone else an only child? How was it for you?

[gareth_oau]

GN, I've got 4 kids and think its great, but if I (or wife) wasnt able to have kids, I wouldnt obsess like some people do.

my wife hasnt worked for over 20 years now, but if we had no kids, I have a strong suspicion we'd be multi-millionaires by now, with an incredible, different life.

kids seem a be-all, end-all obsession for some, but I think, wheteverever you are dealt with, make lemonade.

Acquaintences of ours - the wife had around 10 miscarriages, and methinks nature was perhaps offering some hints?

their obsession continued and they eventually mortgaged themselves to the hilt and tried the invitro-route, and delivered a set of twins.

these twins are far from perfect, and will be a fulltime carers job for the rest of their lives

[Go Native]

I just get told by so many other parents that we should at least have one more. That it's so much easier as they can play with each other and it's really good for them to have a sibling or two. I've known a few single child kids who didn't seem to turn too bad at all. Just wondering if anyone else was a single kid. Did you feel you really missed out on anything not having brothers or sisters? I had one sister and frankly we were never that close. Reckon I would have been happy to be an only child!

[Mantas]

Have another one.
You can give your child many things in life but a sibling to play/fight/compete with is the best gift. Only children are different to other kids. Not necessarily bad or spoilt, just different.

[Indo]

I think one is kind of sad. Mainly for the kid as they miss that relationship with a brother/sister.

Our boys are only 2 years aoart and play together all the time. If it wasn't for no.2 (who is more independent and happy to play by his self) we would be pestered all the time!

Coming from a big family I could never imagine just having one kid. But that's just my 2c.

[big-will]

Originally Posted By: Mantas

Have another one.

If you want, of course

[big-will]

Small family here.
I know lots of war-ring familiesof brothers and sisters, doesn't always work out.

[JA]

Originally Posted By: Go Native

I just get told by so many other parents that we should at least have one more. That it's so much easier as they can play with each other and it's really good for them to have a sibling or two. I've known a few single child kids who didn't seem to turn too bad at all. Just wondering if anyone else was a single kid. Did you feel you really missed out on anything not having brothers or sisters? I had one sister and frankly we were never that close. Reckon I would have been happy to be an only child!

Not a single child, but with a sister 3 years my junior, I can attest that there's lots of "friendly" fighting goes on. We are now quite close, but there were years when we spoke not a single word to each other. There were also lots of childhood arguments and some quite serious events that were the result of our fighting.

From what I've seen, it is better to have 2 than 3 (there is almost ALWAYS a 2 against 1 scenario happening with 3 kids) but I'd not be without my sis now (took me 50 odd years to get to that point but!)

[gareth_oau]

GN, if you do only have one, make sure you treat him/her well, because he/she has monopoly choice on which old-age home you get dumped in LOL

[fukdane]

Anything more than 5 and its just getting silly.

I think people should need a license to have kids.

[Mamabear]

fukdane ... I have to say I am gobsmacked every time my SIL lets us know she is pregnant with the next one. More often than not there are religious reasons for having such large families - and that is the case with her as well.

My concerns with such mega families are a) that the older kids end up doing a lot of the parenting duties when they are still small children themselves, b) the health of the mother is compromised by so many repeated pregnancies - even today there are deaths of both mother and baby at times, c) if things do go pear shaped (illness, death, divorce..) who looks after that many children? Do they have a plan? and d) the chances increase with advanced maternal age and sheer numerical odds that one of the next children will be severely disabled. Disabled kids take a LOT of work...how would the time be found for that when there are a dozen other kids needing care as well...

[Mamabear]

GN: there is an inordinate amount of singletons in my youngest son's class. I think part of the reason is he started at his private school at the earliest possible age (the other boys were all there - made sense to us to keep them all together) ... but most often people start their kids older. So the cohort is skewed a bit (normalizing a bit now that he is in Year 5 and there are about 6 times the starting number). I found the singletons on the whole, and as a group, younger and more babyish, although some had a HUGE knowledge base. They tended to have difficulty sharing toys, and not dominating discussion, or the opposite ... finding their voice in the hustle and bustle of a group. The children from large families were always more robust both physically and mentally.

5 years down the track I see the cry baby not sooking so much, the kids that just would NOT shut up, able to let someone else speak, and the quiet kid in the corner standing up and contributing his 2c worth to the class discussions. So yes, sometimes singletons don't get the same experiences in socializing and skills associated with being in groups before they get to school...but they do fine. I woud recommend taking your daughter to play groups, and getting together with friends with kids her age regularly.