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#1
snowjunky

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#2
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#3
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#4
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#5
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#6
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#7
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#8
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#9
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Debra
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#10
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#11
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#12
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Thanks for the laughs

#13
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:lol:

#14
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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND
THINKING,"SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT FREAKIN' OLD."

WELL, YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE:
MY NAME IS SALLY, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY
FIRST
APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME
HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK
THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY
TOO OLD TO
HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN
PARK HIGH
SCHOOL.

"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED FACED,

FAT-ASSED,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT

F***IN'

SON-OF-A-BITCH

ASKED,

"WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?"
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#15
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This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of

a six year old is. They think so logically.



A teacher was reading the story of the Three

Little Pigs to her class. She came to the

part of the story where first pig was trying to

gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with

the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon

me sir, but may I have some of that straw to

build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And
what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'Well, fook me!! A

talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.
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#16
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A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

You know you're going to send this one on.

Don't ever mess with old people!
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#17
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Ever had a day like this ?

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#18
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BLONDE LOGIC
Two Essex blondes were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Colchester or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Colchester ?????"

CAR TROUBLE
An Essex blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops an Essex blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this Essex blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE - my personal favourite!
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A policeman pulled along side a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the officer cranked down his window, turned on his loudspeaker and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
An Essex blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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#19
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nice

#20
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A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started
swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we
go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me,
ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for
breakfast.

'Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f***ing Coco Pops'
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