yeah just in my dreams at the moment...but would be good to have?
I guess you look at the things you have and just hope their is no divorce going to happen

I really liked having the pool. It was a fair amount of work keeping it in shape, but hey, playing with water is fun. It was great for the boys too. No1 son had a terrible fear of water when he was younger which he was able to overcome by taking things at his own pace.

War stories abound in this area. My ex took the house we'd renovated (used up my super payout) and also got child support. I got to keep my son from previous marriage (YeeHaa!) and he reduced the support until he turned 18 - even though he was still fully dependent on me until he finished school. On the DAY he turned 18, the support calculation changed to almost double what I needed to be paying!

She took off to Brissy, left me in Tamworth (6 hours drive at good speed) and every time I went up for a visit, the kids (or one of them) was crook, or had another thing to go to - even though we'd arranged the visit weeks ahead.

In the end, I pulled the pin, couldn't justify the trip for an hour visit (if I was lucky). Have just re-estabished contact with my baby girl.

Really sorry you lost contact with them JA. I`ve been ringing my boys just about every week since I`ve been here. They are always keen to come to Japan for holidays, but last Christmas I put my foot down and refused to fly to Oz to collect and deliver them.

I`ve had a bit of a sense of humour failure recently and missed a few phone calls. No2 son doesn`t normally want to talk, but last time I rang he chided me for not ringing for a month. Even if he doesn`t want to talk, he wants to know I`m ringing every week. Gratifying.

Not lomg now soubs. Then they'll be over on their own wanting.

What thurs said! They will be able, when they turn 18, to make up their own minds and do whatever they like. Mum will not be able to stop them (at least not legally). When they get top do their own thing, they will do whatever they want, and it seems they want to be in contact with you. So, once they have their own money and lives, they will be with you whenever they can.

My 2 girls are now in Europe, one a supply teacher in London, the other a "props person" with the Euro tour of Cirque du Soleil. They are independent persons in their own right. They contact me whenever they feel like it and nothing her ladyship can do about it!

I don't think 18 is a magic age when kids suddenly defy (one of) their parents. We were 8, 15 and 17(me) when my parents split up and my middle sister and I decided for ourselves where we were going to live. By the time my youngest sister was 13 she also knew what she wanted and my parents didn't see much point in forcing her otherwise.

Lots of kids are capable of making up their minds younger than 18 and many more are still heavily influenced by parents years later.

What is the legal age where someone can fly abroad without parental consent?
Had a quick look online and came up with answers ranging from 13 to 18

From Oz it is 18. It is a real problem (for them as well as me) dealing with someone utterly convinced she is infallible, and equally determined that hers is the one true path. Discussion/negotiation is not possible. Until I cut off all communication, the plan was for me to give her a good listening to, then for everyone to carry out her orders, to the letter.

That is terribly sad!

Me Jane - I think your parents had the right idea - but the lawyers get involved and POOF - you get drama's!!

And then you have the couples where there is resentment and bitterness ALREADY before the lawyers even get thier hooks in - what a disaster!

I would hope that Papabear and I would be reasonable with each other if it ever happened. When we got married we had nothing, everything we have we did together, albiet different roles - and a 50-50 assets and access split would be in order. Not that I ever see that on our horizon!! Pre-nups make sense for matches where one partner is bringing way more financial resources into the marriage I suppose - it is just sad it has come to that.

Why do people insist on being "RIGHT" rather than negotiating to be "HAPPY". And why do lawyers make this difficult process worse? Do none of the divorce/separation mediatiors make any difference?

You've nailed this one Mamabear. I can't answer, but it has something to do with some kind of insecurity. Always having to be right, and never compromising makes for a master/servant relationship, not a partnership. It may suit some, but not me.

Soubriquette has taught me a lot about creating a harmonious and happy environment. She is tough as nails, and no submissive Asian bride. She also has no insecurities, no agendas, and feels no need to run others' lives. If she wants something done, she will do it herself or ask me. If she doesn't like the way I do it, she will do it again herself. She never complains. It's about trust and personal responsibility.

People need to remember that the lawyers work for them. They should instruct the lawyers to act in accordance with their wishes. If they don't they are vulnerable to having their interests railroaded by the pettiness of small minded people - which sadly, is exactly what most local lawyers are. My own parents got caught up with this problem when they tried to buy a business. Both they and the vendor were happy with every thing, but when the lawyers got involved, with their posturing and "professional dignity" the whole thing nearly fell apart. A dispute arose because one lot of lawyers made a mistake in the documents, as a result the whole deal was delayed for 6 mths (with the attendant stress and worry on all sides) while the know-nothing lawyers sent letters to each other in a pissing contest to determine whose dignity was more affronted which client was more outraged by the delay.

It got so bad that I had to step in threaten to report them all to the law society. Local law firms should have a warning on their front door - "Warning, contains lawyers - use only under adult supervision."

Trouble is, Rag-Doll, that the interests of one party are often diametrically opposed to the interests of the other. THAT is when things get really sh!tty. And this is particularly noticeable in a divorce situation.

As for mediators, I have seen a couple, they are psychologists! Nuf said!

A mate of mine has said that "if you aren't crazy when you start psych training, it takes about two lectures!"

Or you can be the kind of person not to take yourself so seriously - and turn out a total sweetheart like me <insert silly grin and very large wink smilie here>

Sorry, Mama. That was born of 13 years marriage to a shrink (nearly typed shrike, and that might have been closer) who was the subject of my previous posts.

<insert stupid grin and a big kiss to make up> Just don't tell Papa!

Don't aplogise JA. Shakespeare defined the English language, and he recognised a shrew when he met one.

Was apologising to Mama for tarring her with the generalisation that is made from an individual experience.

I do not apologise for my opinion of the specific shrink/shrew.

LOL!

Thanks JA. Not all Psych's are Psycho's - but granted a very large proportion of them are seriously off balance!

I know it's their job to get as much as they can but you would surely need to be a certain type of person to be able to detach yourself from any emotion. I certainly couldn't do anything like that and wouldn't want to get into it, no matter how much money I could get.

Money does that to people you know. That's why there are so many ambulance chasers in the US.

Happy that money isn't too important to me (as long as I have 'enough').